Mum and I nursed Nanna for the last year or so, which is the real reason my PhD died, and people would ask that. I couldn't snark, I would try to answer honestly and say, well, the last year was awful, she was in constant pain and confused, she had no control over her bowels or bladder and had lost all dignity in having to be catheterised and cleaned by her grand daughter, she was slowly starving because she wouldn't eat and she was nearly scalded to death when I fell asleep during the day and she tried to shower herself and ended up lying on the floor as the hot water blasted - I will *never* forgive myself for that, I still wake up crying - but I loved her and I missed her and I wanted her alive and with me and she was always loved and loving... so maybe it was "a blessing for her" but I'm selfish and I want her back. So not a blessing for me, no, and maye not for her, because there were still things that made her happy... her family, for one.

Of course, all I managed was to say "sort of" and start crying.

Because, yeah, what you really want is for your loved ones to be alive and free of pain, not dead.

I'm sorry. This is not helpful. But you are kind and gallant and courageous and quite lovely, so I detest people, however well meant, for asking you insensitive questions like that.

~millions of hugs~