"It says, 'a wonderful day ahead'. You will be surrounded by family and friends. Roger Moore will drop in for lunch, bringing Tony Curtis with him. In the afternoon a substantial cash sum will come your way. In the evening Petula Clark will visit your home accompanied by Mike Samrues singers. She will sing for you in your own living room. Before you go to bed, Peter Wyngarde will come and declare his undying love for you."
"Urghh!"
Nothing like taking 25 years to get a joke. Especially the Peter Wyngarde part ("URGHH!"), which only came from reading a friggin' media textbook.