phosfate: Ouroboros painting closeup (You've RUINED CHRISTMAS by cybertardis)
phosfate ([personal profile] phosfate) wrote2006-11-01 09:22 am

you've RUINED HALLOWEEN!

Halloween here was very cold, but we still got a few kids. Older ones who could go outside without dying.

I can't quite get my patter right. "Hello there, Spectre of Death! Hello, Scary Pirate!" Also shrieked, "NO! Jeez, you'll burn yourself!" at a Dad who picked up his son's lightsaber by the blade. It's odd to feel a kid looking at you funny from behind a Darth Vader helmet. But they got candy and soft toys, so they didn't complain. (I save unopened fast-food toys and minis to hand out. They're always the first to go.)

Now the candy goes in the freezer, and I get my work basket back.

This wasn't one of the classics. No night of screaming with Sharon and Susan, no theatre full of teenagers watching Halloween or Rocky Horror, no running home shrieking in terror (and lapping Dad!) when some fucker answers the door via intercom: "Whoooooo's therrrrrrre? WHOOOOOOOOO'S THERRRRRRRRRE???" But that's okay. Even a dullish Halloween is good. I felt a positively Dickensian flood of holiday spirit.

Or Burtonian. Whatever.

There was also a kid in Target wearing a full-body Stitch suit, the spacesuit with the extra arms dangling on fishing line. Awesome. His poor baby sister was, humiliatingly, dressed as Piglet. Her folks will show her dates photos of this in 15 years, eventually driving her to the Greyhound station and a life of dissipated prostitution on the Sunset Strip. Parents, for the love of God, think about what you're doing!

My own childhood costumes, once I was big enough to have a say in them, sucked. This was, I think, because I insisted on making them and hadn't a clue what I was doing. This has continued into adulthood, including yesterday's black sequined devil tail, which kept dropping off as though I were a panicky lizard. The only success I can recall was the time when I improvised three bullet wounds to the forehead, done in El Marko at the office. Should you ever want to try it, the key is shading the holes properly to show you've drilled through a centimeter of skull.

I...um...I seem to have wandered off my topic a bit. My point is, I hope you had a happy Halloween, and please enjoy your Crazy Mexican Dead People Christmas.

[identity profile] ex-londonso.livejournal.com 2006-11-01 05:00 pm (UTC)(link)
I've always wished for trick or treaters. Nobody ever turns up. A few days ago we were standing on the street eating ice creams when some midget child like thing ran up to us in a hideous mask and screamed 'TRICK OR TREAT!!' I gave it 20p and then it asked a homeless guy. And then a dark figure emerged from around the corner and picked the child up kicking and screaming and spirited it away. I don't think London has quite figured out Halloween yet.
ext_6373: A swan and a ballerina from an old children's book about ballet, captioned SWAN! (Believe in magic OR I'LL KILL YOU by ico)

[identity profile] annlarimer.livejournal.com 2006-11-01 05:10 pm (UTC)(link)
It's changed since I was little. We used to swarm all over the neighborhood, and no house could get through the evening with fewer than three giant bags of Fun-Size Snickers. Sadly, American parents have been brainwashed into thinking that any child left unattended for three minutes will be abducted, raped, and left to die in a boxcar at the fairgrounds. Kids are taken to shopping malls to trick-or-treat, where they are given sugarless candy and plastic bookmarks. *weepz*

[identity profile] ex-londonso.livejournal.com 2006-11-01 05:15 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah, that does sound fun. Like in the movies, seriously. It always looks so fun in those (except for ones where a crazed axe murderer kills everyone on Halloween or something).

Oh, there are so many horrors these days. If your children aren't being molested by the leagues of paedophiles stalking the neighbourhood, then the online branch of paedophiles are tempting them into corruption via MySpace. Everybody should just stop having children altogether. Then again there's all the other dangers: 'TONIGHT, HOW THE WATER YOU DRINK COULD BE GIVING YOU A RARE AND UNTREATABLE HEART DISEASE. WE HEAR FROM ONE OKLAHOMA WOMAN WHOSE HUSBAND IMPLODED BEFORE HER VERY EYES... 'He was just sitting there, drinking some water, and all of a sudden, oh God...' or 'ARE YOUR PETS SAFE? THE CRAZED SATANISTS WHO WANT TO STEAL THEM, EAT THEM AND GROW FAT ON THEIR BLOOD' or 'WHAT PHONE COMPANIES DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW: THEY'RE READING YOUR THOUGHTS, AND THEY KNOW YOU HAVE A FETISH FOR BALLERINAS' etcetc.

[identity profile] ex-londonso.livejournal.com 2006-11-01 05:24 pm (UTC)(link)
And I you x