phosfate

Spent Christmas Eve (virtually) with crantz online and on phone, and the rest of the world via text and email. He rang up to hear me open my present, which was a Tonner Supergirl doll and she is beautiful and you can't have her and she's like a Red Ryder BB Gun only better and OMG. Kept hanging up on him because I kept dropping the phone or squishing the disconnect button with my face. Also squealing.

Brother and fam did a driveby the office with a really amazing flan (those of us on paperweight duty ate it alllllllllllllllll up, along with, for some reason, snap peas), and a handknit hat that is the only knit hat I've ever owned that didn't immediately spring off my head like one of those jumping bug toys. It is a rather lovely shade of chocolate with powder blue stripeys.

Mary and Vali sent me a policeman officer puppet, who is of course named Puppet Nicholas. Diana sent caramels made by nuns. Nuns really, really like shrinkwrap. Who knew? They also make damn fine caramels.

Woke up with sugar and gleeshrieking hangover. Took all my willpower to escape the clutches of the Slanket. Slanket may turn out to be one of those bits of technology that suddenly everyone on the planet adopts, then the Doctor has to come save us all from being absorbed and enslaved. Mmm, Slanket.

Carnival of Souls is perhaps not the best choice for a Christmas movie. But boy, is it awesome on a stick.

Sang "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen" in the shower, in the style of Frank Sinatra.

What's that, Slanket? Return to your unholy embrace? But...but...it's suppertimOW! Yes, Slanket. Immediately, Slanket.

An ant. Made of candy. I hope that the flowers are those lovely buttercream wedding mints, but they're probably that god-awful hard icing you get on jelly pops.

Zuma trial expired, which is probably just as well since I stayed up until midnight playing it last night. Found Sweetopia, a game I bought several weeks ago because it was about candy and on clearance for tree dolla.

It's exactly the same game as Zuma, but with candy. Sweet, sweet exploding candy.

Went Christmas shopping last night. Slipped on the wet ice outside Best Buy. Landed on:

--Curb
--Right coat pocket, which was full of those orange Tootsie Pops I got at the Quickie Mart while buying a Sunday paper two weeks ago and haven't put in the candy jar.
--Right trouser pocket, which contained approximately $30,000 in quarters.

So, ow.

On the bright side, got my brother some fab classic movies for nothing.

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?

Hot chocolate. Also coffee.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?

Wrapping. Not necessarily with paper.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?

I'm not entirely sure how to hang lights on the house. Also, I have this problem with fire. White on the tree, but not this year.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?

We had plastic mistletoe at the old house.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish?

That fudge Kathy used to make/buy (I'm a little fuzzy), and her excellent sugar cookies from that bakery in Omaha.

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child?

Finding my unwrapped present stash in my big sister's closet, and sneaking in there every couple days to wallow in it. Then pretending I didn't know what any of it was on Christmas morning. Talking P.J., I still miss you.

Also, when I opened that Chitty Chitty Bang Bang movie storybook and screamed.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?

I don't remember. Probably gradually. Also, his handwriting was eerily like my sister's.

This doesn't mean, however, that he does not deserve thanks and cookies.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?

When I was little we were all allowed one present, to stop our heads exploding in the night. 1960s heavily materialistic kids Christmases? Fucking awesome.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?

This year I made a Victorian mourning tree, from a black Halloween tree, a handmade beaded garland, and a couple of bags of black Christmas balls. It's been joined by a white desktop tree from Borders, with more black balls, white handmade beaded garland, some Halloween ornaments, and various black and white toys. Also, the dreidels. It's not Christmas without the dreidels.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?

Both. It's awesome, apart from the shoveling. But shoveling is awesome if you have a small child or dog around.

12. Can you ice skate?

I haven't the faintest idea.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?

See #7. Talking P.J., storybook. Also watching my parents try to assemble Barbie's Dream House was pretty damn funny. Eventually they just let me do it.

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you?

Having people over. And really good TV marathons.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?

See #6.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?

We keep changing them. I liked when Mom got me a Star Trek ornament every year. Or when I was little and we all sang on the way to the tree.

17. What tops your tree?

Nothing at the moment. I tried a doll head, but it was too freaky big. Still working on it.

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving?

Both.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?

Christmas music, on the whole, makes me want to kill myself. I like to put on some Fred Astaire or something.

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?

Eh.

Halloween here was very cold, but we still got a few kids. Older ones who could go outside without dying.

I can't quite get my patter right. "Hello there, Spectre of Death! Hello, Scary Pirate!" Also shrieked, "NO! Jeez, you'll burn yourself!" at a Dad who picked up his son's lightsaber by the blade. It's odd to feel a kid looking at you funny from behind a Darth Vader helmet. But they got candy and soft toys, so they didn't complain. (I save unopened fast-food toys and minis to hand out. They're always the first to go.)

Now the candy goes in the freezer, and I get my work basket back.

This wasn't one of the classics. No night of screaming with Sharon and Susan, no theatre full of teenagers watching Halloween or Rocky Horror, no running home shrieking in terror (and lapping Dad!) when some fucker answers the door via intercom: "Whoooooo's therrrrrrre? WHOOOOOOOOO'S THERRRRRRRRRE???" But that's okay. Even a dullish Halloween is good. I felt a positively Dickensian flood of holiday spirit.

Or Burtonian. Whatever.

There was also a kid in Target wearing a full-body Stitch suit, the spacesuit with the extra arms dangling on fishing line. Awesome. His poor baby sister was, humiliatingly, dressed as Piglet. Her folks will show her dates photos of this in 15 years, eventually driving her to the Greyhound station and a life of dissipated prostitution on the Sunset Strip. Parents, for the love of God, think about what you're doing!

My own childhood costumes, once I was big enough to have a say in them, sucked. This was, I think, because I insisted on making them and hadn't a clue what I was doing. This has continued into adulthood, including yesterday's black sequined devil tail, which kept dropping off as though I were a panicky lizard. The only success I can recall was the time when I improvised three bullet wounds to the forehead, done in El Marko at the office. Should you ever want to try it, the key is shading the holes properly to show you've drilled through a centimeter of skull.

I...um...I seem to have wandered off my topic a bit. My point is, I hope you had a happy Halloween, and please enjoy your Crazy Mexican Dead People Christmas.