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i'll pass, thanks
Oct. 20th, 2010 03:35 pm
your quote of the day.
May. 12th, 2009 09:03 am"It was like a dessert served on the Holodeck."
--Sarah Hepola describes the non-entity that is the McDonalds sundae, salon.com
--Sarah Hepola describes the non-entity that is the McDonalds sundae, salon.com
(no subject)
Oct. 12th, 2008 10:38 pmSome of you may remember, a few years ago, when Mom decided one winter that the squirrels weren't getting enough fat in their diets, and started flinging them buttered toast in the mornings. Which was fine, until I opened the door one morning to find a squirrel the size of a dachshund clinging to the screen door when he didn't get his breakfast on time.
Tonight I made peanut butter toast for dinner (it's hot and windy and food really doesn't appeal much). The back door was open. After the toaster popped up, I heard a sound at the door.
It was a squirrel the size of a dachsund, clinging to the screen door.
"What the hell are you doing? Get out of here!"
Cling.
"GO AWAY!"
It wandered back to its tree, not very quickly.
I don't know how long squirrels live, but whether it was memory or coincidence, that fat bastard didn't need no buttered toast.
Tonight I made peanut butter toast for dinner (it's hot and windy and food really doesn't appeal much). The back door was open. After the toaster popped up, I heard a sound at the door.
It was a squirrel the size of a dachsund, clinging to the screen door.
"What the hell are you doing? Get out of here!"
Cling.
"GO AWAY!"
It wandered back to its tree, not very quickly.
I don't know how long squirrels live, but whether it was memory or coincidence, that fat bastard didn't need no buttered toast.
Long story, but the power company wouldn't cut my trees, so I got Will the lawn guy (hi Will!) to do it. Which he did, stealthily.
I come home yesterday with food and drugs, and have to make a couple trips from the house to the car to unload everything. There's something odd about the light, but I don't pay much attention. Then I see this squirrel come out of the bush by the window, and park on the invisible tree. And he starts yelling at me.
(The invisible tree is this tree I didn't even know existed until I hacked at the giant window bush, which got a bit out of control. I thought it was a part of the widgy tree. Nope. Whole new tree.)
I look at him. "What?"
*stream of squirrel cussin'*
"What? You're fine."
*more rodental invective*
So I walk over to the invisible tree. "What is your problem?" There are wood chips on the ground. And O HAI NEWLY TRIMMED TREES. Apparently Will was there. Or I was a victim of the Phantom Arborist, who has terrorized the prairie ever since the construction of Arbor Lodge. "Oh. Well, sorry."
*squirrel blue streak*
"Dude. It's not like anybody's gonna hurt you back here anyway. Look at you. You're huge."
*Jerry Springer beeps, curses*
"That would be more convincing if you didn't have a huge nut in your mouth, fatso."
I go inside. I am faintly disturbed that this tree rat is actually able to make the connection between Will and his chainsaw and me, and knows to blame me for it. Also, the way he was sitting on the branch, I got to see a lot more of his genitals than I really cared to. He was packing more than just the one nut, is what I'm saying.
I come home yesterday with food and drugs, and have to make a couple trips from the house to the car to unload everything. There's something odd about the light, but I don't pay much attention. Then I see this squirrel come out of the bush by the window, and park on the invisible tree. And he starts yelling at me.
(The invisible tree is this tree I didn't even know existed until I hacked at the giant window bush, which got a bit out of control. I thought it was a part of the widgy tree. Nope. Whole new tree.)
I look at him. "What?"
*stream of squirrel cussin'*
"What? You're fine."
*more rodental invective*
So I walk over to the invisible tree. "What is your problem?" There are wood chips on the ground. And O HAI NEWLY TRIMMED TREES. Apparently Will was there. Or I was a victim of the Phantom Arborist, who has terrorized the prairie ever since the construction of Arbor Lodge. "Oh. Well, sorry."
*squirrel blue streak*
"Dude. It's not like anybody's gonna hurt you back here anyway. Look at you. You're huge."
*Jerry Springer beeps, curses*
"That would be more convincing if you didn't have a huge nut in your mouth, fatso."
I go inside. I am faintly disturbed that this tree rat is actually able to make the connection between Will and his chainsaw and me, and knows to blame me for it. Also, the way he was sitting on the branch, I got to see a lot more of his genitals than I really cared to. He was packing more than just the one nut, is what I'm saying.
(no subject)
Jul. 24th, 2008 08:54 pmZuma trial expired, which is probably just as well since I stayed up until midnight playing it last night. Found Sweetopia, a game I bought several weeks ago because it was about candy and on clearance for tree dolla.
It's exactly the same game as Zuma, but with candy. Sweet, sweet exploding candy.
It's exactly the same game as Zuma, but with candy. Sweet, sweet exploding candy.
(no subject)
Jul. 23rd, 2008 09:10 pmBejeweled, which may be spelled with more Ls than that, has several samplers of other games. Tonight I tried one called Insaniquarium (don't oversell it or anything, Marketing Department). You get an aquarium, with a couple of goldfish. You feed the fish. The fish crap coins. You catch the coins to buy more fish food and more fish.
Then a chibi Alien teleports in and tries to kill everything, and you have to blast it to bits. You may also accidentally kill one of the fish with friendly fire.
If you don't feed the goldfish in a timely manner, they turn green, die, and sink to the bottom of the tank. Naturally, they also stop crapping money. However, if the fish live long enough, they turn blue, wear little crowns, and start crapping diamonds.
So, really, the kind of realism you normally only get in, say, a high-end WWII combat sim.
Then a chibi Alien teleports in and tries to kill everything, and you have to blast it to bits. You may also accidentally kill one of the fish with friendly fire.
If you don't feed the goldfish in a timely manner, they turn green, die, and sink to the bottom of the tank. Naturally, they also stop crapping money. However, if the fish live long enough, they turn blue, wear little crowns, and start crapping diamonds.
So, really, the kind of realism you normally only get in, say, a high-end WWII combat sim.
Today I got sent over to the Haunted Orphanage for a class in Excel. This was much more interesting than it sounds.
When I woke up and got breakfast, I couldn't help but notice that the icebox smelled kind of funny. Not the is there dead food in here? kind of smell. More like, I don't know, a lake or a lawn sprinkler.
A bit later, when I was getting a bottle of Diet Pepsi to put in my bag, I noticed that the very bottom was a smooth, molasses-colored sheet of frozen something. WTF??? Coolant? Motor oil? Angry chocolate milk?
Nope. Six-pack of soda bottles on the bottom of the fridge had, near as I can tell, half-frozen and then gone PRRRRRRSSSSHHHHHHH!!! all over the fridge.
Well, ick.
I soaked some of it up, but had to leave for my class.
I also finally found the source of last winter's mystery smell. When Mary and Vali visited last year, they abandoned a clove of garlic in the far corner of the crisper, where it used its chameleon-like powers to become invisible, but not instinkable. The poor thing is petrified and harmless now, but could only be seen if one happened to be on one's hands and knees in front of the fridge, soaking up massive amounts of cold, flat soda. So, good thing really.
Okay, I'm lying, not good at all.
Still better than the furry fruit cocktail of ought-six, however.
When I woke up and got breakfast, I couldn't help but notice that the icebox smelled kind of funny. Not the is there dead food in here? kind of smell. More like, I don't know, a lake or a lawn sprinkler.
A bit later, when I was getting a bottle of Diet Pepsi to put in my bag, I noticed that the very bottom was a smooth, molasses-colored sheet of frozen something. WTF??? Coolant? Motor oil? Angry chocolate milk?
Nope. Six-pack of soda bottles on the bottom of the fridge had, near as I can tell, half-frozen and then gone PRRRRRRSSSSHHHHHHH!!! all over the fridge.
Well, ick.
I soaked some of it up, but had to leave for my class.
I also finally found the source of last winter's mystery smell. When Mary and Vali visited last year, they abandoned a clove of garlic in the far corner of the crisper, where it used its chameleon-like powers to become invisible, but not instinkable. The poor thing is petrified and harmless now, but could only be seen if one happened to be on one's hands and knees in front of the fridge, soaking up massive amounts of cold, flat soda. So, good thing really.
Okay, I'm lying, not good at all.
Still better than the furry fruit cocktail of ought-six, however.
Me: "Shark Swarm" may be the greatest movie title ever.
John: "Laser Shark Swarm."
(no subject)
Apr. 10th, 2008 11:58 amHuh. If you keep Reese's Peanut Butter Easter Bunnies next to a banana, they take on extra added banana flavor.
I'm not sure how I feel about that.
I'm not sure how I feel about that.
