phosfate

Plugged the TV back in (I unplugged it before I left town, because I read somewhere they can explode or you get ants or something DON'T QUESTION ME), removed the old...um...box thing that let the cable box and the DVDs and the TV all talk to each other, and finally got around to actually connecting the new antenna. Ran the program thing where the TV searches for channels and adds them in.

I can get one channel now.

It's FOX.

Watched 2 minutes of The X Factor, then put in A Hard Day's Night because I hate punching myself in the face.

Stopped for dinner on Friday. Came out of restaurant into pouring rain. Like, pouring as though from God's own giant picnic pitcher. Like, I CANNOT SEE BECAUSE IT IS RUNNING OFF MY HEAD INTO MY EYES WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. Puddle-bombed by a truck, only realized it because of the impact against my leg. Already too wet to actually feel it. Bus came, got the shakes from the air conditioning. Wrung out cuff into a little puddle on the floor, like a cartoon character. Got off at stop to walk home. Still raining. Total strangers stop their cars to ask if I need a ride. "No. No, thank you. I'm nearly there, will only wreck your upholstery, and I literally cannot get any wetter." Got home. Dumped saturated clothing in bathtub, with squelching noise.

Pros: Rain was actually warm. Free shower.
Cons: See above.

Woke Saturday to feel as though I had been beaten with sticks, due to sheer quantity of water. Forced self out into heat to buy milk. Massive storm Saturday night that downed trees, blew trashcans half a block, etc. New neighborhood features include tiny house with large tree inside, electric wires entangled with backyard trampoline. Went outside to help move tree limbs out of street. Power went out.
Neighbor lady: "I looked out the window and wondered if I ought to head for the basement."
Me: "I was playing Pokemon, so I thought, Fuck it."

Pros: Bought milk, defeated Elite Four again, gutters cleaned.
Cons: Impossible to charge DS, phone, etc. Or read. Or wash clothing. Or really anything involving electricity or being able to see.

Still no power Sunday. Sound of chainsaws everywhere because boys love that shit. I can't get to my saws or clippers because the garage opens electronically and I can't find the override key. Everything in the fridge and freezer is now lost, except the Oreos, Diana's coffee, and the soda. There is only one soda. I can't make any coffee. Sit by window reading, drinking water. Contemplate inevitable dystopian Mad Max society that will rise if we don't have electricity by 6 pm. Consider walking to bagel place, but I have no idea how far the blackout extends, and the matter of clean underwear is reaching a crisis point. Power comes on at 3:30. Begin throwing out dead food, including brand-new, unopened milk from Saturday. Take cart up hill to quickie mart, have fucking terrible piece of pizza for dinner, even more fucking terrible cup of coffee, stupidly large cold soda. Cart home more milk. Do laundry. Charge devices.

Pros: learned not to test dicey milk by sniffing it, bought new milk, survived apocalypse, home not destroyed, read most of a Kage Baker, given Dratini by Dragon Clan Master (named it Arthur), did not get oral tetanus lyme herpes from pizza. Also, I had forgotten all about those Oreos.
Cons: Bored, hot, hungry, filthy, significant financial hit, garbage cans now total possum magnet.

And then a dumptruck hit a power pole and our electricity went out. I LOVE THIS WEEK!

crantz: Can you draw me a unicorn with a flowing purple mane wearing a fake beard?
Me: What sort of fake beard?

(three hours later)

Me: Scanning...sent!
crantz: I like the mane and the tail and the little feet.
Me: Yay!
crantz: But you forgot the horn.

Removed picture of Charles Foster Dad from wall. Emptied and moved old bookcase. Bits of new bookcase unpacked and counted. Screwdriver charging. Hammer assortment found. Cannot actually move around in living room. Slight possibility of rotary cuff injury (unrelated).

Happily, at work, there is cheesecake.

Long story short: I didn't get to see Paul because a bicycle fell on my head while I was looking for my wallet. Schwinn Breeze. Vintage. It's tasted blood now.

I bought a new coat last night, since the old one, which I love dearly, has betrayed me by starting to go all frayed and falling apart after a mere 20 years. And the headghost of my mother has been very disapproving of it, in spite of the charming duct tape patch that I cut in a heart shape. (The coat is duct tape colored.) Happily the Black Friday sales were still on. Also happily, I can fit in an XL just fine and had a great deal more choice than I thought I would. (When violetaugustine and marybellefleur visited back in September, we ended up out at Super Target a lot, since they have food, clothing, stickers, and action figures -- the things we needed to live. Mary and Vali are, frankly, dinky. Like, a pack of four Corgis could do them in dinky. And they were trying on Target's clothes, and their shit is sized so small that Mary struggled into an XL dorky plaid sweater and went this sort of blue color as it slowly cut off her circulation. Also it clashed. WHAT HOPE FOR ANN? NONE I SAY!) Anyway, I got a coat and it's brown fake suede, with a hood lined with fake rabbit and trimmed with fake...Newfoundland? panther? Muhno. Also a pair of those mittens where the top folds back so you have fingerless gloves underneath and can work your phone. And leather palms so you can grip the steering wheeAW GODDAMMIT!

So my winter silhouette is now Menacing Shadow, instead of Johnny Invisible Pedestrian Grey.

My point is, I can take Mary and Vali in a fight.

13th and P Streets, lunchtime. Click to embiggen.

Actual photo of exploding methane bubble, which destroyed the gulf coast on Saturday night.