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(no subject)
Jul. 24th, 2023 02:09 pmThey took away my typesetting program, so a job that should have taken 20 minutes took four hours in Word.
(no subject)
Apr. 26th, 2023 02:33 pmI'm a bit worried about my co-worker.
I brought in four tiny plastic babies today and hid them in various places around the office. She's found two of them (three is in a plant pot, and I forget where four is).
We've worked together for 35+ years. I am the only other person here today. My cube is done in cartoon posters and plastic dinosaurs. She can't figure out who's doing it.
I brought in four tiny plastic babies today and hid them in various places around the office. She's found two of them (three is in a plant pot, and I forget where four is).
We've worked together for 35+ years. I am the only other person here today. My cube is done in cartoon posters and plastic dinosaurs. She can't figure out who's doing it.
(no subject)
Apr. 16th, 2020 02:59 pmOur building's elevators, which have not worked properly in months (it took me ten minutes to get one this morning), now have big tape Xes on the floors and signs that say ONLY TWO RIDERS PER CAR.
This will work well.
This will work well.
(no subject)
Jun. 26th, 2019 12:33 pmI just got my hair caught in an elevator wall.
Not the door.
The wall.
Not the door.
The wall.
NEVER FORGET
Nov. 22nd, 2010 01:17 pm
Office whiteboard hand turkey. Click to embiggen.
“It’s not about you actually being in any way an important or interesting person. You know Thanksgiving? Where all you American-types gather around a large roast bird every year? Not actually in honour of the turkey. It’s just the stupid fucker that gets torn to pieces and eaten. And bitch, there’s a new turkey every year.” — diamonde
http://wiki.fandomwank.com/index.php/CrystalWank
office whiteboard halloween!!!
Oct. 28th, 2010 10:18 am
Did you know dry-erase markers smell like feet? They do.
(no subject)
Dec. 22nd, 2009 09:17 amDeb: "They think a bird's nest in the attic was what started the fire."
Me: "Were the birds smoking?"
Deb (sad headshake): "They must have been."
Me: "Were the birds smoking?"
Deb (sad headshake): "They must have been."
(no subject)
Dec. 22nd, 2009 08:59 amWe are eating gingerbread men and quoting Shrek at each other. "Yes, I know the Muffin man."
(no subject)
Apr. 27th, 2009 03:34 pmCalled Mechanic Matt. They found my car parts. "We're gonna start on it this afternoon. So in the next day or so..."
Mechanic Matt, in the grand Midwestern tradition, does not finish sentences. I'm hoping this means it's because his brain is all full up with car knowledgement. So in the next day or so, elephants will be in the park across the street. In the next day or so, I'm leaving for Arizona. In the next day or so, the saucers are landing.
(One of my co-workers somehow speaks without beginning sentences. "...in the storeroom." Asking for clarification does not help. "I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the thing I'm making up as an excuse. Could you repeat that?" gets you a slightly louder "...in the storeroom." "Oh.")
The local busses, by the way, now have a vending system that gives paper change. You give the busbot two singles, and it ejects a paper card good for 25 cents on your next ride. It also has a Suicide Booth computer voice that announces when the bus passes a time point: "Thirty-third and L streets. You are now dead. Printing receipt."
Mechanic Matt, in the grand Midwestern tradition, does not finish sentences. I'm hoping this means it's because his brain is all full up with car knowledgement. So in the next day or so, elephants will be in the park across the street. In the next day or so, I'm leaving for Arizona. In the next day or so, the saucers are landing.
(One of my co-workers somehow speaks without beginning sentences. "...in the storeroom." Asking for clarification does not help. "I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the thing I'm making up as an excuse. Could you repeat that?" gets you a slightly louder "...in the storeroom." "Oh.")
The local busses, by the way, now have a vending system that gives paper change. You give the busbot two singles, and it ejects a paper card good for 25 cents on your next ride. It also has a Suicide Booth computer voice that announces when the bus passes a time point: "Thirty-third and L streets. You are now dead. Printing receipt."
(no subject)
Apr. 26th, 2009 10:16 pmWhy do I use the bundt pan? I know the bundt pan doesn't work. But I used the bundt pan anyway. It didn't work. So I have no cake for Mary when she comes back to work tomorrow after half a year out getting chemolasered. Nor can I walk over to the 24-hour grocery to get something because IT WON'T STOP STORMING.
On the bright side, I don't have to figure out how to carry a cake on the bus. And I have failcake to eat.
Mmm...failcake.
Also, I really hope somebody remembered to tell Mary we're in a completely different building now.
On the bright side, I don't have to figure out how to carry a cake on the bus. And I have failcake to eat.
Mmm...failcake.
Also, I really hope somebody remembered to tell Mary we're in a completely different building now.
(no subject)
Oct. 10th, 2008 04:39 pmSometimes, when I get incredibly tired, words don't do the right thing. I get this sort of corner of the eye dyslexia, where words turn into frankly bizarre profanities. "Buggery Bagels." "Bag 'n Dicks." That sort of thing.
I'm pretty sure that this is why, a few minutes ago when Deb was leaving for the day, I nearly told her, "G'night, dogfucker."
I meant to say "G'night, doll."
Fortunately, I didn't say anything at all.
So tired.
G'night, dogfuckers.
I'm pretty sure that this is why, a few minutes ago when Deb was leaving for the day, I nearly told her, "G'night, dogfucker."
I meant to say "G'night, doll."
Fortunately, I didn't say anything at all.
So tired.
G'night, dogfuckers.
(no subject)
Oct. 8th, 2008 12:43 pmNot much to post lately. Vali and Mary visited for a week, and it was awesome, but I think I'll keep it for myself. We moved offices, which was utterly hideous, and I get an extra five-block walk every morning and evening. The new neighborhood has more shivving winos and unconscious pregnant women than I normally care for. On the other hand, it's close to a doughnut shop.
The most memorable thing I've seen lately was a girl coming out of the Student Union. She had the full Paris Hilton look -- leathery mecha-tan, blonde expensive sheepdogged hair, dress that looked like a nightie, deadly shoes, and that pigeon-toed toddler walk. It was terrifying, like suddenly coming upon a zombie or a werewolf at the Piggly-Wiggly. The end.
The most memorable thing I've seen lately was a girl coming out of the Student Union. She had the full Paris Hilton look -- leathery mecha-tan, blonde expensive sheepdogged hair, dress that looked like a nightie, deadly shoes, and that pigeon-toed toddler walk. It was terrifying, like suddenly coming upon a zombie or a werewolf at the Piggly-Wiggly. The end.
(no subject)
Sep. 17th, 2008 04:45 pmWe're moving offices, and I'm finding (and tossing) all kinds of ancient crap.
Here's a 20-year-old doodle of Aquaman and a small camel:
Here's a 20-year-old doodle of Aquaman and a small camel:
Today I got sent over to the Haunted Orphanage for a class in Excel. This was much more interesting than it sounds.
When I woke up and got breakfast, I couldn't help but notice that the icebox smelled kind of funny. Not the is there dead food in here? kind of smell. More like, I don't know, a lake or a lawn sprinkler.
A bit later, when I was getting a bottle of Diet Pepsi to put in my bag, I noticed that the very bottom was a smooth, molasses-colored sheet of frozen something. WTF??? Coolant? Motor oil? Angry chocolate milk?
Nope. Six-pack of soda bottles on the bottom of the fridge had, near as I can tell, half-frozen and then gone PRRRRRRSSSSHHHHHHH!!! all over the fridge.
Well, ick.
I soaked some of it up, but had to leave for my class.
I also finally found the source of last winter's mystery smell. When Mary and Vali visited last year, they abandoned a clove of garlic in the far corner of the crisper, where it used its chameleon-like powers to become invisible, but not instinkable. The poor thing is petrified and harmless now, but could only be seen if one happened to be on one's hands and knees in front of the fridge, soaking up massive amounts of cold, flat soda. So, good thing really.
Okay, I'm lying, not good at all.
Still better than the furry fruit cocktail of ought-six, however.
When I woke up and got breakfast, I couldn't help but notice that the icebox smelled kind of funny. Not the is there dead food in here? kind of smell. More like, I don't know, a lake or a lawn sprinkler.
A bit later, when I was getting a bottle of Diet Pepsi to put in my bag, I noticed that the very bottom was a smooth, molasses-colored sheet of frozen something. WTF??? Coolant? Motor oil? Angry chocolate milk?
Nope. Six-pack of soda bottles on the bottom of the fridge had, near as I can tell, half-frozen and then gone PRRRRRRSSSSHHHHHHH!!! all over the fridge.
Well, ick.
I soaked some of it up, but had to leave for my class.
I also finally found the source of last winter's mystery smell. When Mary and Vali visited last year, they abandoned a clove of garlic in the far corner of the crisper, where it used its chameleon-like powers to become invisible, but not instinkable. The poor thing is petrified and harmless now, but could only be seen if one happened to be on one's hands and knees in front of the fridge, soaking up massive amounts of cold, flat soda. So, good thing really.
Okay, I'm lying, not good at all.
Still better than the furry fruit cocktail of ought-six, however.
(no subject)
Jul. 9th, 2008 01:52 pmThe lunchtime band in the park was a group of twelve-year-olds called Academy of Rock. They did a cover of "Back in Black" that may possibly be the greatest thing I've ever heard. Especially since the lead singer's voice has not yet changed.
I spilled a cup of coffee all over my desk. I have a new keyboard and mouse now. Sadly, my cube smells like a Tim Horton's.
I spilled a cup of coffee all over my desk. I have a new keyboard and mouse now. Sadly, my cube smells like a Tim Horton's.
Dear ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
dr_tectonic:
*ahem*
OH MY GOD OH MY GOD SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SQUEE SQUEE SQUEE IT'S WONDERFUL THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH OH MY GOD OH! MY! GOD! OMG INORITE OM-EFFING-G!!!
Sincerely,
Ann
See, yesterday, after the most crap day ever...
http://www.kolnkgin.com/home/headlines/18474479.html
...I got a present in the mail:
Moleskine notebook customized using, um, lasers, and hypnotism, and it's all very technical and there may be magnets involved so stay back.
Your jealousy tastes like candy.
dr_tectonic:*ahem*
OH MY GOD OH MY GOD SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SQUEE SQUEE SQUEE IT'S WONDERFUL THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH OH MY GOD OH! MY! GOD! OMG INORITE OM-EFFING-G!!!
Sincerely,
Ann
See, yesterday, after the most crap day ever...
http://www.kolnkgin.com/home/headlines/18474479.html
...I got a present in the mail:
Moleskine notebook customized using, um, lasers, and hypnotism, and it's all very technical and there may be magnets involved so stay back.
Your jealousy tastes like candy.
(no subject)
Mar. 21st, 2008 08:53 amDear Colleague:
Shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat SHUT THE GODDAMN HELL UP!
Your pal,
Ann
Shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat shut up about Ararat SHUT THE GODDAMN HELL UP!
Your pal,
Ann
