(no subject)

[phosfate]

Some of you may remember, a few years ago, when Mom decided one winter that the squirrels weren't getting enough fat in their diets, and started flinging them buttered toast in the mornings. Which was fine, until I opened the door one morning to find a squirrel the size of a dachshund clinging to the screen door when he didn't get his breakfast on time.

Tonight I made peanut butter toast for dinner (it's hot and windy and food really doesn't appeal much). The back door was open. After the toaster popped up, I heard a sound at the door.

It was a squirrel the size of a dachsund, clinging to the screen door.

"What the hell are you doing? Get out of here!"

Cling.

"GO AWAY!"

It wandered back to its tree, not very quickly.

I don't know how long squirrels live, but whether it was memory or coincidence, that fat bastard didn't need no buttered toast.

Comments

[viedma.livejournal.com]

arf arf arf Arf Arf Arf ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF ARF Arf Arf arf arf arf!

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

*bangs head on table laughing*

[viedma.livejournal.com]

I <3 Doppler!Dog. :D

[hawkmoth.livejournal.com]

My mom has developed this thing about leftover scraps--she won't just toss 'em. She saves those tinfoil pie plates from frozen stuff, and routinely puts out anything--crusts, meat scraps, icky fruit or veggies. We figure if the squirrels are turning their wee noses up, it gets eaten by neighborhood dogs or the monster Stephen King-esque crows.

Last weekend when we were there for her birthday, we were treated to the sight of a squirrel sitting on the deck table gnawing away on a crunchy cheese ball.

[ex-londonso.livejournal.com]

... or rats...ew :(

[amilyn.livejournal.com]

That is FANTASTIC!!!

Husband and I had a good chuckle together. :-)

[ex-londonso.livejournal.com]

Hahaha! Please take a picture next time??

[saskia139.livejournal.com]

I still fondly remember your stories about you and your mom hiding the Gollum figure from one another. That's the stuff good memoirs are made of!

[goddessdster.livejournal.com]

You have many issues with squirrels. There may be a therapy for that.

[goddessdster.livejournal.com]

Also? Not quite certain I believe you about the driving dog.

[viedma.livejournal.com]

Aha! But she has outside corroboration and everything.

[norabombay.livejournal.com]

Trust me when I say that the dachshund would totally climb a door to eat the buttered toast.

Also, he would then bark and scream at the squirrls.

[icantgetout.livejournal.com]

Hello lovely Ann Larimer. I miss you. Livejournal is a bit scary though. Do you have a facebook we can be friends on?

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

OMG CHARLOTTE!!! How are you, darling heart? I miss you.

I am old and Facebook is scary. What does it...what does it do?

[wolfy-writing.livejournal.com]

The squirrels in your land sound terrifying.

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

Word. I visit other places, and the squirrels seem really puny.