(no subject)
Jul. 3rd, 2002 03:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
phosfateBilbo has behaved unbelievably well today. We tried to play Scrabble, but none of the Whorehouse sets come in an alphabet that both of us can read. He's finally conked out underneath my desk. I showed him the hammock in the storeroom, but while he thought it made a fine swing, he seems to prefer kipping on the floor. Or it's his abandonment issues.
(Note to self: make serious effort to play Scrabble with Merin at some point.)
(Note to self: make serious effort to play Scrabble with Merin at some point.)
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(no subject)
Date: 2002-07-03 01:20 pm (UTC)*pets your shoes*
(no subject)
Date: 2002-07-03 01:29 pm (UTC)I don't really believe him.
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(no subject)
Date: 2002-07-03 01:33 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-07-03 01:33 pm (UTC)*giggles* Ick. There's a tack stuck in the bottom of her shoe. I can see it. And there's gum under the desk too. I can't get it off though, so I'm not eating it. Look! *holds up two pen caps* They're friends, and they're both named Bob. And this one is a Ranger, but he's going to get eaten by a dragon.
(no subject)
Date: 2002-07-03 01:39 pm (UTC)AAAAAAAHHH! DRAGON!
(no subject)
Date: 2002-07-03 01:48 pm (UTC)*waves the stapler* Rawr! Rawr! *bounces the cap* Run, Ranger Bob, run.
*pitches voice* 'Elp me. 'Elp me. He's wearing fishing nets!
*staples the cap to the floor* Rawr! Muwhahaha. You have a nice butt.
*picks up other cap*
Oh no, Ranger Bob! What about your wife and 20 children?
Bob? Is that you? I can't hear you. I'm dead. Here's a pinapple.
Thank you, Ranger Bob. I'm going to go marry your wife now.
*picks up stapler* No, no. Marry me. My make-up's already done.
Okay.
*begins marriage of pen cap and stapler*
(no subject)
Date: 2002-07-03 01:50 pm (UTC)It's the minister!
(no subject)
Date: 2002-07-03 01:53 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-07-03 01:57 pm (UTC)Maybe the hole-punch and scissors? Oh, maybe not the scissors. Your shoes are down there.
(no subject)
(no subject)
Date: 2002-07-03 02:01 pm (UTC)*tapes Ranger Bob to floor* You have to stay dead, because poopy Denethor is on a coffee break.
*makes tape veil for stapler* Aren't I pretty? I ate the hairdresser because they messed up my hair.
*shakes pen cap* Dragon, honey, I have something to tell you. I was once a woman. I killed a dwarf in Mandos and Namo sent me back a man.
*pitches voice* That's okay. I ate a dwarf, and during the full moon Aule turns me into Martha Stewart.
*waves cap* Yay! Love!
*bounces stapler* Love! Sharpe!
*smacks cap and stapler with tape dispenser* None of that now, it's silly. I have to marry you right now because Star Trek is coming on. And I'm winking at you. Wink, wink, wink.
Wink back!
*stapler kisses tape dispenser* I changed my mind, I want to marry you.
I'm married.
That's okay.
All right sure, but during the next commercial.
*waves cap* What about me?
*staples cap to the floor* You're a wedding present!
(no subject)
(no subject)
I'll just sit quietly in the corner, here.
(no subject)
Date: 2002-07-03 02:12 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-07-03 02:18 pm (UTC)*waves the tape dispenser* Quick! Marry me. There's a commercial for aftershave!
*taps Ranger Bob cap* Bob! Bob! You're dead too? Wow. And you're a female! Here's a peach. Throw it at the dragon.
*taps other cap* Okay. Let's get married too and have ghost babies, Ranger Bob.
I have 20 children, but okay. Here's a banana. I call him Banana Bob. Watch out for parrots and monkeys. They're evil.
Evil? Like fruit of the devil? Hahaha.
That wasn't funny! Give me back Banana Bob!
No, no! Not Banana Bob!
*waves tape dispenser* You two stop talking during our wedding ceremony, or I'm turning you into deck chairs.
*bounces stapler* And everyone will get sick and become deck chairs too! The plastic kind that stick to your butt too! Because I'm EEEEEVil!
*shakes tape dispenser* You can't be evil, if you're marrying me.
*waves stapler* Oh all right. I'll only be evil when you're not looking.
Okay! Do you dragon want to marry me the minister because I'm so cool?
*makes stapler nod* I do!
Do I take you even if you don't catch fish while wearing your fishing net stockings? Yes! I know pronounce us dragon and minister. Are you pregnant yet?
*bounces stapler* Yes! Look, it's ten already and looks like me.
The End.
Did you like that, Lady Ann? The ghosts are going to live down here.
(no subject)
(no subject)
That was wonderful, Bilbo! I liked the ghost babies especially.
Sure, they can live down there. Would you like to build them a house from one of the copier paper* boxes?
I'm going to, uh, y'know, the thingie. I'll be back in a second.
::goes to the ladies' lounge, making a concerted effort not to run::
::closes door behind her, leans against it::
mmmmmmmmmmmBWAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaa--*choke*
*I don't know why we have a copier in the Whorehouse. I never have anything to copy. And sometimes when I get here in the morning, the recycle bin is full of photocopies of what look like large Parkerhouse rolls. Weird.
(no subject)
Date: 2002-07-03 02:27 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-07-03 02:42 pm (UTC)