LOOK DEEP INTO THE PARKA

[phosfate]

I bought a new coat last night, since the old one, which I love dearly, has betrayed me by starting to go all frayed and falling apart after a mere 20 years. And the headghost of my mother has been very disapproving of it, in spite of the charming duct tape patch that I cut in a heart shape. (The coat is duct tape colored.) Happily the Black Friday sales were still on. Also happily, I can fit in an XL just fine and had a great deal more choice than I thought I would. (When violetaugustine and marybellefleur visited back in September, we ended up out at Super Target a lot, since they have food, clothing, stickers, and action figures -- the things we needed to live. Mary and Vali are, frankly, dinky. Like, a pack of four Corgis could do them in dinky. And they were trying on Target's clothes, and their shit is sized so small that Mary struggled into an XL dorky plaid sweater and went this sort of blue color as it slowly cut off her circulation. Also it clashed. WHAT HOPE FOR ANN? NONE I SAY!) Anyway, I got a coat and it's brown fake suede, with a hood lined with fake rabbit and trimmed with fake...Newfoundland? panther? Muhno. Also a pair of those mittens where the top folds back so you have fingerless gloves underneath and can work your phone. And leather palms so you can grip the steering wheeAW GODDAMMIT!

So my winter silhouette is now Menacing Shadow, instead of Johnny Invisible Pedestrian Grey.

My point is, I can take Mary and Vali in a fight.

Comments

[goddessdster.livejournal.com]

I hate shopping with dinky people. Then again, now that Old Navy sells their coats in TALL sizes, I can be as cheaply-made stylish as all those skinny motherfuckers.

Those leather grippy palms are also good for holding onto the handle of your wheelie cart, and for breaking your fall comfortably when you trip slip on ice.

[violetisblue.livejournal.com]

"My point is, I can take Mary and Vali in a fight."

Maybe, but you'd need a pack of (fake) corgis to take us down.

[thistlethorn.livejournal.com]

Your coat sounds awesomely fake. *g*

[pandonkey.livejournal.com]

I tried on a sweater at Target once and was SURE that I must've actually picked up something out of the kids' section. Alas, no.

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

RELEASE THE SMALL HOUNDS!

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

It was like watching Gilda Radner fight a boa constrictor.