(no subject)

[phosfate]

Uber driver: So how was your day?
Me: Oh fine. As long as I get home and the house isn't a burning crater, it'll be great. If it is a crater, I may need to keep you on for a few more minutes.
Uber driver: Oh, you have kids?
Me: *busts up laughing* Um, no, and for several reasons if I get home and there are kids, it will be a huge surprise.
Uber driver: Oh, I thought you meant...
Me: No, I was thinking, like, asteroid. If there's a kid there, can you help me take it to the firehouse?
Uber driver: I can.
Me: Awesome. "Billy, c'mon, we're going to the firehouse." "My name's not Billy! I'm a girl!" "I don't actually care, Billy." Although there are girl Billys. Billie Burke came out okay.
Uber Driver: Billy Jo.
Me: No, he jumped off the Tallahatchee Bridge!
Uber Driver: No, my friend Billy Jo is a girl.
Me: OH! Sorry, Billy Jo.
Uber Driver: It's okay. She won't care.
Me: It's just I'm unbelievably old so that's the first place I went.
Uber Driver: I got you.
Me: You want to hear my opinion about Herman's Hermits?
Uber driver; OH LOOK WE'RE HERE!
Me: Freddy and the Dreamers?
Uber driver: I'll pop the trunk for you.
Me: Thanks. I don't see a kid, I think we're okay.