(no subject)

[phosfate]

Dear Internet:

Please stop trying to sell me LEGAL VIAGRA ONLINE. I'm sure it's perfectly lovely LEGAL VIAGRA ONLINE, but I'm afraid that I have no real use for it. Thank you.

Your pal,

Ann

Comments

[cheeriomonkey.livejournal.com]

Dear Ann:

Everbody has a use for it. If you take it, you may find that some interesting 'oppurtunities' will be...rising...for you.

Your best friend,
the Internet.

[crankyasanoldma.livejournal.com]

Okay, no more Viagra, but if you need a lower mortgage rate, want to make money at home, want to increase your bust size "naturally" or want to have a free gift shipped to you, see me. Or, rather, my inbox. I get at least five of those things a day.

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

Hm. Can you help me ACCEPT CREDIT CARD PAYMENTS AND INCREASE MY BUSINESS?

[glorfind3l.livejournal.com]

Or would you rather INCREASE PENIS SIZE W/O IMPLANTS? Of course, that may just create a need for LEGAL VIAGRA ONLINE. Hmm.

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

I'm perfectly happy with my penis, thank you very much.

[nitasee.livejournal.com]

The one you keep pickled in a jar?

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

Different one.

[versaphile.livejournal.com]

Ah, if only it were that simple! Maybe a judiciously aimed grenade launcher would be more effective...

[chalcedony.livejournal.com]

Don't forget about the Ph.D. that you can get from a Prestigious Uncredited University for only $500!

[homosuperior.livejournal.com]

but you can get BIG FAT BOOBIES LADIES!!! and HAVE ALL THE GIRLS WANTING TO SUCK YOUR COCK!!!

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

You're too young to read this LJ, missy!

[homosuperior.livejournal.com]

Umm...YOU'RE too young to write it. *nods* Uh huh. Beat that missy.

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

::cuts off forearm, counts rings::

I am not either!

::Beats you with bloody stump::

[homosuperior.livejournal.com]

*lies in a gutter, unconcious*
*is abducted and molested and killed by some creeps*

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

VENGEANCE!!!

Sets fire to creeps' homes, murders their families.

[homosuperior.livejournal.com]

OOh! Did they see the glint of your knife in the dark?

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

Knife?

Er...yes, the knife glinting. Yes.

[homosuperior.livejournal.com]

Wow. Glint. Wheeeeeeeeee...

Knife?? Mais non, shooooovelllll!

[kissoflife.livejournal.com]

They hardly noticed the knife glint in the BLINDING GLARE of her **SHOVEL** of awesome power!! Politicians "quail", Kings's crowns get broke, mass hysteria and *Dancing* reigns over the land when that thing flashes thru the air...

Re: Knife?? Mais non, shooooovelllll!

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

Dogs and cats lying together...

EEwwwwwww!! Quit it, Annniiieee!

[kissoflife.livejournal.com]

You're *supposed* to count the rattles on your *tail*, yick-o viper-lady!!

Yer gonna need one of those " 'Merican Values" discount drug and home products guild thingies ALSO in your INBOX. OR on your answ. machine...
Cheap Meds, to the Agent Aaey, at once! Medic!

Oh dear.

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

Hold that thought, darling.

::runs out::

::runs back with Llama-Tranq[TM] dart gun::

::shoots you in the neck with Llama-Tranq[TM] dart gun::

::catches you as you fall, puts your head in lap, strokes it::

It's okay. It's okay. You just got a little het up and over tired. You'll be fine.

::reads book::

TGIF... and TG I'm Asleep, you!

[kissoflife.livejournal.com]

You *shot* me!!!

:snuffles disgruntledly in sleep, hooves paw air:

:dream bubble:
I'll get you, my pretty, when I finally awake.... awaaa.... zzzzzzzzz....

Re: TGIF... and TG I'm Asleep, you!

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

::ups your dosage::

There there. ::pat pat:: There there.

[nitasee.livejournal.com]

But it is something you can talk about with your friends, the HOT SEXXXY UNDER-AGED GIRLS. They might even be interested in how to MAKE MONEY ONLINE AT HOME. If they aren't doing that already.

[moondog.livejournal.com]

Dear ANNLARIMER:

Our searching robots TOP RESEARCH SCIENTISTS noticed that you appear to have an intrest in LEGAL VIAGRA ONLINE . So, naturally, you may be interested in some of our similar FINE PRODUCTS:

LEGAL PENIS ENLARGEMENT!!
LEGAL BREST ENHANSEMENT!!
LEGAL UNDERAGE PORN!!
LEGAL ILLEGAL DRUGS!!

The list goes on! Because of your journal entry including the words apparent intrest, we've taken the liberty of signing you up for all these mailing lists - and more!

ENJOY!
The Internet (Inc.)

[finabair.livejournal.com]

LEGAL VIAGRA?? Like our legal system needs any help or encouragement to screw people...

[suzyd.livejournal.com]

Hmmm... maybe I have some things you'd be interested in too... maybe some RAPE PORN, or FAMILY HARDCORE! In an aside, I HAVE FUCKED BY ELEPHANT! Yes, it was very painful. But I feel better since I heard about the FREE NEW CARS FOR THE TAKING!