Giant Bees!

[phosfate]

I just used the word "hummer" to the Post Office guy, and I wasn't talking about the car. In my defense, he was trying to make the case that Clinton's in-office crimes were comparable to those of Richard Nixon. I pointed out that subverting the Constitution and advocating the murder of citizens who disagreed with his policies was hardly on a par with unpaid oral sex, and could I please have my stamp?

I mention the incident because it's the second time in three or four days I've had to use the word. The other day when the mail came, Mom got a card with a sample of Humvee brand perfume. Or cologne. Or whatever the hell it is. Apparently diesel is the new aphrodesiac.

She offered me the card. "You want a Hummer?" she said. I busted up laughing. Then she just had to ask why.

Nobody should ever have to explain the concept of a hum job to their 82-year-old mother.

Comments

[jeff-morris.livejournal.com]

Shouldn't have to explain it to your easily-embarrassed mother-in-law, either.

But I did.

In graphic detail.

And enjoyed every minute of it.

JSM

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

"Your daughter is a damn fine alto, ma'am!"

[swussian.livejournal.com]

Explain it to your 20-year-old online friend instead.

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

A hum job is a blowjob, with vibratory humming added.

[swussian.livejournal.com]

Ann makes learning English fun!

I'll now hum and giggle while doing my homework. And I will not explain anything to my mother if she asks.

[eyebrowofdoom.livejournal.com]

I didn't know either! YAY!

hmmmmm

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

Mm-hm.

[violetisblue.livejournal.com]

You just reminded me how much fun I'm going to have this Wednesday, having dinner with my Rush- and HILLARY-obsessed pater. *grinds teeth*

[saskia139.livejournal.com]

*Why* are you having dinner with your pater? And why are you not on chat with me right now?

[violetisblue.livejournal.com]

Because if I don't, he takes it out on my mother for "turning me against him." And I logged on, you weren't there! (logs on again)

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

It's times like this that make me glad my Dads are dead.

[ragdoll.livejournal.com]

Goodness, didn't anyone ever watch Alien Nation to understand the concept? Oh, um, wait. Right. ;)

[nitasee.livejournal.com]

It's not so much explaining the concept to my 81-year-old-mother, it the inevitable question afterwards: "how do you know all this". (Um, mom, I'm in my forties. Take a guess.)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_redpanda_/]

...I give up, why is your icon screaming at a rather inoffensive-looking little cactus?

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

http://www.cybertardis.com/scribbles/Dragnet06s.jpg

Sharon drew me a spiff Dragnet Christmas Comic of Moral Support, and made me an icon from the last panel. It's me screaming, as generally requested annually by the Nieces.

I don't know about the cactus. I think she just likes drawing cacti.

[ahli.livejournal.com]

I always thought that cartoon had really ginormous lips but now I get that it's an open, screaming mouth. Wow. *goes away now*

[thistlethorn.livejournal.com]

I thought that, too. I mean, I could understand that it was Ann and she was screaming that someone had Ruined Christmas, but the whole mouth thing -- it must be like one of those vases/face silhouettes optical thingies.

[ouchie.livejournal.com]

I learned that particular definition earlier this year when I started working in a kitchen where people like to write funny labels on the buckets in the fridge.

Refried Beans = Reefer
Hummous = Hummer
Jalapenos = Japs

.....etc. Ahahaha um!