(no subject)

[phosfate]

"So while the groom stewed, the media speculated and indignant townspeople knit their brows in censorious disapprobation, I secretly wished that the Runaway Bride had gone off to become a showgirl. Just for the thrill of it, I wanted to see her go as far as she could. Go, go, go, Runaway Bride! Go as far as you can from Georgia, beyond Las Vegas to California, Oregon, Alaska, across the Bering Strait to Siberia and over the Steppes into Mongolia, China, Tibet! Go, frightened bride of the South! Run from that Bible-toting paramour with the square head, flee the harsh whisky-soaked legacy of slavery and politely simmering women, flee the pecan groves and peanut farms, flee all those Southern belles who never ring and all those good old boys who are neither all that good nor all that old! Flee! Go! Run away!"

I love you, Cary Tennis.

Comments

[nitasee.livejournal.com]

*sporfle* I was just reading that article. I have this vision of her becoming the new version of the Traveling Gnome - you know the one that keeps emailing pictures of himself from all over the globe.

I also liked the speculations about what her startled eyes meant: They said, "I had some pre-nuptial botox!" or "I haven't had a full meal for six months! I'm very, very hungry! Please feed me!" or "I'm in a stunned fugue state that imitates a 'vivacious Southern belle' and may be completely out of my gourd, possibly permanently," or "I think that last line of speed was JUST RIGHT," or "I had a premonition last night that I am going to become a national joke" or possibly even, "If you start talking to me, you're going to wake up alone, 14 hours from now, in a bathtub full of cold water in a room you don't recognize with no clothes, no wallet, an empty bottle of Cuervo and an entire store display of Devil Dogs."

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

I've known way too many women who should've got on the bus to Vegas and kept going.

[nitasee.livejournal.com]

Oh, absolutely. Myself included. I did like his last paragraph:

Anyway, I hope they work things out and go ahead with the wedding. And after the wedding, if this were my movie, this is what would happen: Recognizing that people are not perfect and that spiritual emergencies occur in the best of families, he buys his new wife a present. The present is a round-trip bus ticket to Las Vegas, open-ended, good any time from now until doomsday. He puts the ticket in a glass box and hangs the box on the wall. Next to the box he mounts a tiny red hammer. Under the box he hangs a sign that says, "In case of no fire, break glass."

Of course, the big "if" is whether or not the fiancee is insightful and empathetic enough to understand this.

[mercyorbemoaned.livejournal.com]

I know the ones that did, because they all end up here.

[respndines.livejournal.com]

Heehee!