"I'd like a couple of gallons of dirt, please."

[phosfate]

Went out at lunch for dirt.

See, I need dirt to fill in the sinky bit by the house where the water came in last week. It's not that I don't have dirt, but it's mostly got grass over it, and would involve spades and shovels and possibly create an entirely new set of problems, since I would be left with a whole brand-new hole. Which could lead to sinkage or broken ankles or bunnies or snakes. Bunnies and snakes, of course, have their place in backyard nature, but it does them (and me) no favors to build them condos.

Anyway, it turns out that you can buy dirt at many retail outlets, and in handy bag form. Sadly, there is no consistent standard for dirt measurement, so the various bags are labeled by weight, or by volume, metrically or imperially. None of them, alas, by gallon, which, as a milk drinker, is my principal mental unit of measure. "I'd like a couple of gallons of dirt, please" will get you nothing.

So I went by (a) price and (b) lack of shit content. Because they sell dirt mixed with shit. I assume this is in aid of fertilization, but if the Internet has taught me anything, it's that when it comes to human beings and shit, you can never be sure of anything.

Comments

[aberrant1.livejournal.com]

But where exactly is the line between dirt and composted shit? I mean, composting is basically the process of turning shit (and rotten zucchinis, and old cardboard boxes, and shit) into dirt...

[annlarimer.livejournal.com]

DON'T QUESTION THE BAGS!