It's Ann's first Good Omens fic!

[phosfate]

The Point Where the Oviposition Fic Went Horribly Wrong (381 words) by Phosfate
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (TV)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens)
Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens)
Additional Tags: mention of snake babies, Mention of pregnancy, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley Has A Vulva (Good Omens), Crowley is a Mess (Good Omens), Literally Crowley is a mess (Good Omens), Oviposition, the aristocrats!, The Author Regrets Nothing, The Author Regrets Everything, Not Vegan, Don't Try This At Home, Don't try this anywhere, Just don't try this, Violence against eggs
Summary:

I...can't even. Does what it says on the tin. Crit is love.

Comments

The Reader Regrets Everything too

[dr_tectonic]

OMIGOD WHAT DID I JUST PUT IN MY EYES???

Hilarious. Spot-on with voices and characterization. Absolutely appalling.

(Although frankly, I think the thing I find most distressing is learning that this is apparently a THING in the fandom!?)

It does indeed do exactly what it says on the tin. And I have wracked my brains but am unable to think of any way it could be more horrifying without crossing over the line into seriously unfunny territory.

So good (for a suitably contextual value of that word) work!

Re: The Reader Regrets Everything too

[phosfate]

Okay, as far as I can tell, oviposition has been a thing in fic for a while (I'm gonna assume SF or games or wasps or something). Good Omens fandom uses it because Crowley is the original Serpent of Eden, and snakes, at least some of them, lay eggs. It is also canon (literally the only sex thing other than New and Anathema doing it during the tornado, as one does, that is canon in either book or series) that angels and demons are sexless, but can come up with the goods if they "make an effort." Fandom has taken this and run with it, since the text does not specify exclusively human junk. So you've got two very powerful supernatural characters who are canon genderflexible (when Crowley is Nanny Ashtoreth or in female wear at Golgotha, he is not in drag), can make any reprogoods they like, and at least one is a shapeshifter. ANNNNNNNNNND THEY'RE OFF!!!

The results can be anything from hilarious to weirdly sexy to deeply upsetting, and do not always come out as the author intended.

My favorite is the comic in which Crowley pranks Aziraphale by bringing in an aquarium full of sand and ping pong balls and telling him that they're their babies and would Aziraphale mind looking after them for a while. He comes back a couple of days later to find they've actually hatched, Aziraphale is knitting them little tube sweaters, and wants to have an earnest discussion about names because while he has a few ideas, he thinks it's terribly important for both parents to be in agreement. Crowley bursts into tears.

[wolfy_writing]

That is truly amazing! And also I feel you when it comes to writing in coffee shops.

[phosfate]

A near-empty McDonalds is also great, because the drinks are super cheap, the lighting is good, the table is the right height, and they don't care what you do as long as you don't throw shit. Though it ended very badly once when I was drawing in one and the manager came over and asked me out. Actually he made one of his subordinates come over and ask "Thingie wants to know if he asks you out whether you'd say yes." And I said "Tell Thingie to ask me his own damn self." And it turns out it's possible for the stalking to start before the first date and I lost my favorite drawing spot until he moved to Texas. He was an aspiring writer and apparently decided that I would illustrate his books and be his helpmeet and he didn't have the first idea how to submit a manuscript and asked if he should just send the publisher his pile of wirebound notebooks with his novel in it. I said no you have to type it and send them a photocopy (this was in the 90s). He did not know what a photocopier was.

[wolfy_writing]

All the non-stalkery bits sound really convenient!

Wow, that guy had bad plans. I hope he isn't too much of a problem for the women of Texas. They have enough to deal with.

[phosfate]

He somehow found someone to marry him, so they're probably turning out loads of little Trumplings and he's telling them how elitist the publishing industry is.