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Happy Birthday, Mom.



_{Don't haunt me.}

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Huge and terrifying mall clearance sales this weekend. I went last night, because I like cheap shit but hate everything else about the place. Yes, I will take a lovely Hogwarts t-shirt for $5.00, thank you. $10 for a scary-ass Little Apple Doll? Sure! See y'all after Christmas.

Weekend temperatures will be in triple digits, so I will stay in, doing laundry and cowering in fear of this goddamn doll. (Note to self: buy milk.)

Meanwhile, bits of the household art and furnishings are going to my siblings (since they, like, actually own them, the fuckers). I will not be sorry to lose the watercolors of barns. But this leaves me with walls that need filling, and no matter how much I wish otherwise, the Buckaroo Banzai one-sheet just doesn't look good in the living room, and costs the Earth to frame.

So I figured, fuck it, Dick Blick has big canvases for under ten bucks, and if you finish the edges you don't have to frame the damned things. So...I am trying to paint with acrylics.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAyeah.

I now have examples of objects for which hanging is, quite literally, too good.



_{Thank God they've started making watercolor canvas.}

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Also, the bird noises made by my alarm clock apparently sound like some sort of deathmatch challenge if you're a cardinal*.

ALARM: Tweet tweet tweet tweet!
CARDINAL (in bush next to the window): Say what?
ALARM: Tweet tweet tweet tweet!
CARDINAL: What? You did NOT say that! If you say that again...
ALARM: Tweet tweet tweet tweet!
CARDINAL: I WILL KILL YOU, MOTHERFUCKER!
ALARM: Tweet tweet tweet tweet!
CARDINAL: Goddammit, where's my piece? Where's--DAMMIT I HAVE NO HANDS!
ALARM: Tweet tweet tweet tweet!
CARDINAL: Fine. You win this round.

I like nature.



_{*The bird kind. Not the pointy hat kind.}