phosfate

I bought a new phone last night, because my old one was bravely keeping a charge for approximately three hours at a time and I had to keep it turned off unless I needed to make a call. I had planned to go on Saturday, which would have been a terrible, terrible mistake. But I was bored last night and if the mouse isn't dead he's due for another appearance, and I just wasn't in the mood to yell at him. Anyway, I got a different phone company and some kind of Google phone that may be sentient, for only slightly more than the monthly cost of my old shitty service. It comes in both colors: black and lavender. I picked lavender because if a black phone went under the bed, no one would ever see it again. I may have to bail on Netflix to make the extra cost up, but that is no huge loss.

Best Buy, if you've never been there, is plastered with giant TV screens set to display everything so it looks like the Hell Tunnel in the Wonka factory. I found this disconcerting since I watch maybe three hours of video a week, and only one show at a time on one screen. The one nearest the Phone Mens Headquarters was playing a trailer for Game of Thrones, which I've never seen, over and over and over. Apparently GoT is filtered to be so dark that even the giant HD5KLSD Mangavision screens have a hard time showing what's going on, so mainly I learned that there are dragons, crammed yet lifeless digital landscapes, and they really, really like flinging people off walls and towers. I have named one of the dragons Brian.

Also if you gave Jon Snow a beanie and a felt pennant on a stick, he would look exactly like Freddie the Freshman.

I had to cab home because the bus is in bed by 8, and got Stunt Driver Jerry again. He drives like there's beer in Texarkana and they're thirsty in Atlanta, which I rather enjoyed on a nice spring evening with the windows down. I only covered my eyes once.

I got on Amazon and sent for a clear phone case, so I can cover this fucker in stickers. As you do.

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Sent for a set of Korean "Funfun Brain Stickers." Filled one out last night with the help of crantz. Sometimes I think he just makes shit up for laughs.



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me: Ahahahaha, priscellie says the Hokusai collage needs a unicorn.
crantz: would danny ride a unicorn?
or is that more angel's thing?
me: ...
I think Angel probably makes anything he rides into a unicorn.
Danny might be more like, "Do unicorns like beer?"

Severe meltdown Saturday. Which was okay -- at least in the end I finally got some sleep.

After a week of being completely unable to find coffee filters, I used my last one Sunday morning. I walked over to Target, because they always have coffee filters. Except they totally didn't. I am starting to wonder if there was a fire at the coffee filter plant or something. Went next door to the big box grocery, and found a package of 500 for 29 cents, or whatever it goes for. Should last me through the week.

The person next to me was buying a couple hundred bottles of Gatorade. Did you know it comes in blue? I sure didn't. Is the flavor Slushee blue, or antifreeze blue?

The sticker machine had Wonder Pets tattoos. Got hamster and duck. Sadly, did not get the turtle. I like the turtle. He has the crazy eyes.

Figured out that constant exhaustion comes from the twice-daily total muscle lock necessary to keep from falling onto the floor of the bus. The seat is a couple inches too high for my legs to reach the floor, and those guys drive like motherfuckers. They have the crazy eyes, like the turtle. Happily, it annoys them if you say, "Big money big money no whammy!" while feeding money into the moneyvac, or "Yahtzee!" if it accepts your dollar first try without horking it up again.

Fix my car, Matt. Matt. Matt. MATT FIX MY CAR.

Click to read my shame.